Week 15 – Mood: Appreciative
Lately I’ve been doing some thinking. About my sweet boy and what it means to be a parent. About the fact that we’re going to be parents to two children in the spring and how that will change our family dynamics. About the fact that I’m 24 years old and instead of searching the internet for new trends and the latest styles, I’m searching the internet for maternity clothes that aren’t ugly and double strollers. Double strollers!
To me the double stroller has always been up there (or perhaps down there) with the mini-van and mom haircuts. A symbol of lost cuteness and freedom. A descent from fashion to that dreaded word – practicality. It’s like when I’m shopping with my mom and she thinks that two-inch heels are, “So high!” so she looks at kitten heels. I want to wear four-inch heels, have long hair, and drive an SUV! But here I am looking at double strollers. I’m flirting with the edge of young and fun. Somehow I have to make the double stroller seem exciting and cute and appealing. I want to make being a mom look cool, not scary and frumpy! Don’t be shocked if you see me at the mall one of these days rocking a double stroller with rhinestones glued all over it…
I’ve also been struck lately with how precious my time with Shepherd is. There are so many times that he comes and tugs at me while I’m working, or reading or doing chores or watching tv and I don’t want to get up and play with him. But I recently had a realization that there will come a day when sitting on my bed driving cars up and down arms, legs and pillows won’t be the highlight of his day anymore. There will be days when he won’t want to snuggle and watch Elmo. Days when he won’t want to sit on my lap and read a story. I know a day will come when I’ll ask him for a kiss on the lips and he’ll turn up his nose. There will come a day when we go on vacation and he’ll want to get away from us instead of being overjoyed that we’re all together all day every day.
Earlier this week, I felt like I needed to get some work done so I told Shep to go play by himself. He really didn’t want to play by himself so he kept tugging on me trying to get me to abandon the computer to play with him. After a while he just brought his toys and his blankie and pillow to my office and sat down behind me and started playing. I turned around after what I thought was a few minutes to see what he was doing and to tell him how much I loved him and this was what I saw.
Oh I felt so guilty! He fell asleep waiting for me to play with him! That won’t happen forever either. Having everything done is just not as important as enjoying my son.